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Which do we want more, new shoes or new clothes cause seriously Killstar came out with some cute shit I want. Hmmmmmm? I do need new make up to. Damn you fashionable people.
LOL my hubby would have a heart attack. Like you I am not a cheap date lol.
I am still alive
17:29 Apr 28 2020 Times Read: 525
So today I am rejoining society.
Plan for today:
Go shopping for toiletries and other odds and ends
Find a freaking spray bottle
Plant next round of microgreens
Do skin treatment since summer is now here, got to love CA
Prep duck for the BBQ for tonight
Pay more bills
Clean all the floors
Clean out my closet, it looks like the lock down has made me lose weight (all the stoners bought out all the snacks fuckers)
Bored out of my little damn mind but I have been staying at home like a good little demon child. Dude, I don't watch TV and I am out of anime. I crochet and grow veggies for a hobby. I am so seriously bored out of my mind! Anything interesting going on in anyone else's life?
Spent most of the nigh listening to my husband breathe from down the hall. I am so sick of this shit. I feel like I am going to have a heart attack before Covid is over.
Dude, when the hell does Sean wake up anyway. Dude, seriously, give that boy my number. He told me he would be on today to talk but never gave me a time frame. Hence why I am here so fucking early in the damn morning. Arg.
I just need to hang out with someone who is not my husband or my Mother or my best friend. I need to see other people. It's not them, it's me. I need more people in my life LMAO
Dude, if you are still around, I need help looking up my friend's clan info. She is an O'Reilly. Drop me a line if you can. I am trying to help her trace her family tree. Much Irish love and stay safe out there.
After talking to my ex from senior year of high school I feel tones better. I am so happy I have stayed friends with most of my ex's. He reminded me of who I became, not who I was. I am so thankful to have great people like him in my life. Plus he showed me a pic of a guy that came up under his searched for Randy. OMG, I totally would never get with someone like that. He looked like a fart in the wind would blow him over. OMG the hilarity. Yeah no thanks. I like men who can protect me, not run like a little bitch in a storm. Levi, you rock dude.
His eyes were like stars dancing in a daytime sea
Filled with hazy shades of blue and green
His touch felt like Angel wings gliding on my skin
His lips were like pillows of clouds that always seemed to take my breathe away
The raise of his eyebrow with michevious glee
How I wish I could turn back the hands of time
My one regret in life, my one soul crushing pain that I carry with me till I die
I hate myself even more for still loving you so much after all this time
You never fought for me, you never tried to find me
I searched for you but in the end I was nothing more than a side note in your life
A cruel joke from a cruel world
I will never have the answers I seek nor do I think I even want them anymore
You proved to me time and time again that I meant nothing to you
So why can't I let it go.
For once in my life, I want to write down everything to the one person I have always loved with my whole heart. I don't know where you are or what you are doing in life but I hope you are happy and not filled with regrets like me. I was so stupid to listen to your father all those years ago. He pratically begged me to stop calling you and let you go. I even made arrangments with my friends at the time so that you knew that even if I did not call, I was waiting for you. Later in life I found out that my friends did not keep their promises. I humiliated and debased myself and was even rapped once trying to get back to you. I tried everything that I could to get back to you but being a teenager is hard. I didn't have control of the situation. After I was finally able to talk to you again, the things you and Jared said was so cruel. I kept wondering why and how you became friends with a guy who bullied me all throughout my freshman year. The only reason why I am still alive is because my brother found me and persuaded me to throw up and try to live on to find out why you hated me so much. The second day I moved back to Hayward, I went to your house to find you. Your Dad called me a stalker and threatened to call the police if I ever showed up again. Since then I have just been trying to find you online. I just wanted to see that you are happy. I hate myself after all these years for still loving you so much. I have tried for years to forget you but the world is so cruel. It keeps reminding me of who you use to be. I can say one thing, I have never let another man touch me the same way you did. It's pathetic but that is the part of you that I am not willing to let go of nor have anyone tarnish those memories of you. I know I have a husband who loves me and yes I love him but he will never be you. No one knows this about me Tex but the one thing that I have given myself is that when my Mother passes on, I will finally be able to be free. I won't have to carry this never ending heartache forever, just till I am allowed to give up and pass on myself. It's been so many years and I am so tired. I will never see you again in this life but maybe next time, I will try to love you more and not let anyone make me let you go. Maybe in my next life, I will get to see your smile everyday. I have tried so hard to let it all go but over 20 years of heartbreak is soul crushing. I hope you are happy and living well. I wish you nothing but the best in life Tex. Always and forever. I am just so tired of crying a river of tears for you. I am just so tired. I have and always will love you from the depths of my soul weather I want to or not. J.R.B. Jr. you will never know just how much you have been loved all these years. Maybe with these few words I can find so relief in all the pain. This is of course the first and last time I will ever be so honest online. I pray that you never find this letter and that you live happily for many years to come.
i’m so sorry that you’ve gone through all of this... i hope you get some sort of closure knowing that whichever way this person’s life went, it is diminished by your absence, dear heart.
I just finally wanted to say I am sorry that I let his Dad pressure me into letting him go all those years ago. Luckily I married a man who is like Tex but not all of him. No one will ever be like him. After all he always said God just made one of him lol.
The time has finally come.
02:58 Apr 01 2020 Times Read: 667
I ran out of anime to watch AAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGG. Oh wait Korean Drama lol. NM back to binging.
COMMENTS
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cutexbutxpsycho
04:43 Apr 29 2020
I'd get new shoes, clothes, and make-up, but that's just me xD
LZAPERVERT
04:44 Apr 29 2020
LOL my hubby would have a heart attack. Like you I am not a cheap date lol.